Here Comes the 'Don't Sue Me Santa Claus,' Right Down Lawsuit Lane

23 December 2005

With Christmas quickly approaching, millions of Americans are preparing to celebrate time-honored traditions like caroling, tree-trimming, and leaving cookies and milk out for Santa. But in today's era of frivolous lawsuits, serving baked goods to the jolly old fat man could put you on the receiving end of a very un-merry obesity lawsuit. Before he wolfs down the cookies, the Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) suggests demanding that Kris Kringle sign a "Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement."
This liability waiver includes an agreement that Santa won't haul you into court on the basis of:
1. Failure to provide nutritional information and a list of ingredients
(the "Grandma's secret recipe" clause);
2. Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies
taste "yummy" and are provided at no cost;
3. Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds,
but riding around on a reindeer-powered sleigh will not;
4. Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic
reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute
manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption;
5. Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars or
carob blobs);
6. Failure to affix warning label acknowledging that milk, should it be
provided, must not be consumed if Santa is, or could possibly be,
lactose intolerant; and
7. Failure to notify that eating too many cookies and not exercising may
lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick.
With this waiver, families can spend Christmas morning opening presents, instead of retaining the services of a good lawyer. They can also protect themselves from humbug lawsuits filed by Scrooge-like attorneys who threaten to sue restaurants, food companies, school boards, doctors, and even parents for the nation's extra pounds.
"Saint Nick has been obese for centuries. Still, you never can be sure where the next frivolous lawsuit will come from. Insisting that Santa sign a waiver before he chows down may be the only way to protect against being hauled into court by a greedy legal Grinch," said Center for Consumer Freedom senior analyst Dan Mindus.
To see the Center for Consumer Freedom Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement, visit http://www.ConsumerFreedom.com.
The Center for Consumer Freedom is a nonprofit coalition supported by restaurants, food companies, and consumers, working together to promote personal responsibility and protect consumer choices.